Hope and a Future

Ayiti--'Haiti' in her native tongue Creole

2007-08-05T20:16:00.000-06:00

I'm currently sitting in a starkly decorated room and sweating despite the fact that I have a fan blowing on me and it's 9:30 in the evening. The water that comes from the sink and shower runs only cold and is non-potable. The bathroom does not have a door and there was just a bug on my computer screen. Nonetheless, I am enjoying myself immensely in Port-au-Prince.

I have been blogging about my Haitian adventures on a different blog, 'Traverse.' I felt like I needed a site dedicated exclusively to my travel adventures (that makes it sound like I travel a lot more than I actually do), so take a wee gander if you'd like.

I've been keeping up a bit about what you've all been doing over your summer holidays through the GUCU emails and, yes, Facebook.

I was in Washington, DC the beginning of July and visited a folk arts festival put on by the Smithsonian Museums. Each year the spotlight the folk arts of different countries. One of this year's countries happened to be Norn Iron. I sat in on a few traditional songs accompanied by various instruments of course. It took me back to Glasgow.

I am Haitian. 100%.

2007-05-20T22:39:00.000-06:00

Well, I loved Haiti. I learned to say in Creole, 'I am Haitian. 100%.' Unfortunately, I can't read or write Creole, so you'll have to believe me. I guess I am an illiterate Creole speaker, if knowing about 4 sentences in Creole counts as actually knowing the lanugage. I love the place I'll be working. The people there are great and there is a very welcoming atmosphere. I felt at home immediately. There is very much a sense of community with good conversation taking place in at least three languages (English, French, and Creole with some occassional Spanish thrown in just for fun) and two communal meals a day with the staff, guests and longer-term patients from the clinic. It is a safe haven in a beautiful but very scarred country.

It isn't safe for me to be out walking by myself, which is fine since I'll be living and working in the same place. It could probably be compared to walking along Kelvin Way after dark. The landscape itself is beautiful but it is masked by the desperate poverty of her people, who have "torn her hair out" as one Haitian put it. They speak of Haiti so lovingly, as if she is this mother helpless to save her children. They are still a very proud people despite everything.

The poverty did not stike me as hard as I thought it might. In some respects this is a comfort to me, I know that I will be ok to live there. In others was it makes me feel ashamed that I was not touched by it more than I was. I think this was partly due to the fact that there were so many new sights and sounds and smells, that I was too busy experiencing all of these new things. It seems that in general the situation in Port-au-Prince is not as bad as in the rural areas. Hopefully, I will have the chance to see that side of the coin as well.

I think God has a lot to teach me this summer about myself and about his desperate people. Haiti has opened her heart to me and I hope to inturn open my heart to her.

2007-05-02T18:32:00.000-06:00

It's been nearly two months since I posted last and for good reason--I've been terribly busy! Despite this fact, I have lost almost all of my motivation to do my uni work, which is not good. I tend to procrastinate more during our spring term. Uni's almost done and the weather is getting nice. This year has by far been the worst for lack of motivation though. There's is just too much life going on to be bothered by uni work.

Life that is going on that is getting in the way of my uni work:

I am going to Haiti tomorrow. Yes, Haiti. Tomorrow. Just for the weekend. I know, there have been some explitives coming out of my mouth quite frequently the last 10 days or so. I have a placement for the summer with a health clinic in Port-au-Prince, so I am going down this weekend to make sure that I really can commit myself to being there for the summer. My concern, as well as theirs, is that I won't be able to handle it emotionally. It is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere and things like that break my heart. I want to make sure that I won't be needing to phone my mum everyday crying about how horrible the conditions are that people live in there. I'll try and post photos upon my return.
My birthday was on Friday. I planned my party, which was out of town, mostly by myself. Trying to coordinate the schedules of university students is a bit like herding cats. It was a good time though, once we actually got there.
Weddings. Lots of weddings. I have three to attend within about a 10 day span during the month of June, one of which I am in. There's a fourth in August, if I'm back from Haiti in time. I don't know about all of this bridesmaid stuff. It's a little confusing. I am hosting a brunch next weekend though. I am hoping I will pull it all off!

With all of that being said, I don't think that I actually failed my mid-term exam for my poltics class on Tuesday, which is a pleasant suprise!

Coffee Houses

2007-03-11T23:02:00.000-06:00

I love coffee houses, I always have. My mom used to take my sister and me to get an a special treat on Saturday mornings at a coffee house. For me they are this place of community and intellectual conversations and are brilliant for people watching, when you really should be working on an essay. Here are some recent observations from a place I love called St. Marks.

One overly stressed barista who was so flustered he about slid a mug right off its plate because he was moving so fast.
Lots of people sitting in front of laptops studying or otherwise working.
Fewer people pouring over text books and rapidly taking notes.
One highly intriguing man who looked like he could be foreign, and sat and sketched for several hours on rumpled pieces of paper. He was my favorite.
An eclectic group of four. I never could figure out their connection or what exactly they were talking about.
One private Italian lesson. French has fewer words than Italian and unlike French, every letter is pronounced.
One guy with a ring in his nose like you see on cows, although at first I thought it was something else.
Two people admiring the art work of a friend.
Several fun and lively conversations.
Several quieter and therfore probably deeper conversations.
Lots of people sitting on the patio enjoying the warm spring weather.

It was an excellent day for observing and slightly less productive for paper writing.

Time Flies

2007-02-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

They say time flies when you're having fun, but I think that time flies regardless of the amount of fun. I have been thinking lately about how quickly time has gone, and how I am feeling more and more like an adult-- a real person, if you will. I am not really sure how I feel about that. It is this change that has been taking place gradually, but seems to have snuck up on me some how. My years at uni are coming to an end. Soon I will be looking for a job and a more permanent place to live. I will have more responsibility over my finances. At times I am not sure I am ready for all of this, at others I am ready to fully embrace it.

My twenty-second birthday is coming up in April and I wonder how I have come this far. In my head, twenty two seems so old. When I was younger, people who were twenty two seemed to have their lives together and knew what they were doing. I do not feel like that person who has her life all together. I feel pretty good about my life and am enjoying it fully (although I wish I could make it back to Glasgow for my Spring Break). Life moves so quickly. When you're a kid you want to grow up fast, but now I wouldn't mind if time slowed down a little bit. Being a kid again does not sound too appealing, but I just do not know where the last four years have gone. There is so much I want to accomplish, but I feel like time is already running out.

Last March, when I was waiting at the airport for my mom and cousin to get in on that day that it snowed so so much, I had a conversation with an elderly gentleman named Bob for several hours. He told me some thing that stuck with me. He said we go through three stages in life: first, "I'm too young," and then it's "I'm too busy," third is "I'm too old." I wonder what excuses I have made about not taking or making opportunities.

Speaking of time, I am currently procrastinating from doing homework, so I should get on that.

A Few of My Favorite Things

2007-02-02T14:54:00.000-07:00

Here in Colorado, we are into the depths of winter. It is absolutely baltic (-28c last night), but the cold and snow have not stopped the warmth of life. I have discovered the beauty of Canadian Geese, although I have seen them my whole life. They hang about in the snow on my campus and are stunning. I feel as though they are little gifts from nature to our campus, if only we will see them as such. I tried to take a photo of them in the snow, but when I actually took my camera to uni with me they were of course no where to be seen. If I manage to get one, I'll post it. I contemplated having one for a pet one day, but decided that part of their beauty is their absolute freedom and keeping one as a pet would require having its wings clipped. Maybe that is how God feels about us. He could make us bound to his will, but instead he gave us a free will. Love and loyalty is always much greater if it is freely given.

My other favorite thing of late, is PUB QUIZZES! I participated in some quizzes back in Glasgow and enjoyed them and now we have found that there are pub quizzes at an Irish pub near our city centre. I went on Tuesday night with some friends. They were suprised at my enthusiam regarding such activities, but once they played, they understood how amazing it really is. Our waiter was from London. He had never heard the word 'chav' before though (it was part of one of the questions. Very curious. There will be more pub quizzes in the near future, I'm sure!

Five Things

2007-01-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

So, I've been tagged by Dish and as I understand it I am supposed to blog 5 interesting things about me. Here goes.

1. Since none of you have met my family, I'll start with that. It may not quite be an interesting fact, but... I love my family a lot and we are very close, even my extended family (my mom's side). I have a sister, Christie (19). She's a first year at another uni here in Denver. My mom, Nancy, is a teacher and taught English and French at my high school. As of this year she is a couselor at a different school in my home town of Grand Junction, CO. My dad, Randy, works construction in South Western Colorado. My parents were divorced when I was 16. My dad was married before he met my mom and I have a half-sister, Rian (31) who lives in Dallas, Texas, where she grew up with her mom. She moved to Majorca for several months last year and I went to visit her. My mom's parents and my mom's sister and her family live in Grand Junction. My mom's brother lives near Vail Ski Resort (about 2 hours away). I have 6 cousins (I'm the oldest. The youngest is 15.) We spent a lot of time together growing up and in some ways are more like brothers and sisters.

2. I am passionate about horses. My dad grew up around horses on ranches in Montana and Wyoming and passed his affection for them on to me, although I think my attachment to them runs deeper than his. I had a pony growing up named Stormy. She was older and had been there and done everything, she was still quite a challenge at times though. The photo is of the last horse I owned, Janae. She was only two when I got her and we learned a lot from each other. I kept her for a year after I started uni, but knew I needed to sell her. It was the most fair thing for both of us, but it broke my heart. I cried for three days after I sent her to her new home. At 19 I was horseless for the first time in my life that I could remember and I can hardly bear it.

3. I keep a book with things that I want to do before I die. I add to it as things come to my mind. I try to make sure they are not short-term whimsies, but things that I really do want to experience in my lifetime.

4. I like monks a lot! This is not a physical attraction, don't worry. I can assure you, I have psycho-analyzed myself pretty well concerning this. I would like to have my own personal monk who would give me bits of wisdom and calm as I go along through life. This affinity for monks extends to the Christian and Buddhist traditions, but not to the weird 'monks' of Eastern religion ( I don't remember it, because I've never heard of it) that solicit people on Buchanan Street and, I imagine, elsewhere around town.

5. When I was little, I kept two imaginary kittens named Sky and Blue. Their food and water dishes were behind my parents' bedroom door and I would get angry at my mom for moving them. I only vaguely remember this, but it is a story that my mom likes to tell.

Cease Striving

2006-12-05T00:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it takes a slight change to create fresh perspective on something so familiar. I recently came across a translation of the well known verse—Pslams 46:10. It’s most well-known translation is “Be still and know that I am God.” I’ve always liked this particular verse is Psalms. I like being still, although I probably don’t do so as much as I should or as much as I think I do. Nonetheless, it gives off a wonderful sense of peace. All you have to know is that God is. The New American Standard translation I discovered reads “Cease striving…”.This different translation gave new meaning to “being still” though.

Being still connotes that it’s somewhat of a temporary thing. At least that’s how I’ve always thought about it. You’re going along and then you’re still for awhile contemplating God, then you resume your daily activities. But cease striving. That’s different. I imagine it as more of a life style. Cease striving after all things worldly; all of the money and power and superficial beauty and possessions and status and evil things of the world. Cease striving for all of this rubbish. It has no real meaning or place in our lives. “Cease” is a strong and forceful word. It’s often used as a command, not a mere request. Stop, now, immediately, completely and fully. STOP. Instead strive for God and all things heavenly and worthy and holy and good. Strive for a godly life and think of Him only and always. Let Him be the only thing after which you’re striving. It seems an appropriate message for Advent.

Thoughts on Snowy Nights

2006-10-21T16:24:00.000-06:00

Snowy nights seem to have this magical quality to them. They create this sense of peace whether there are big, feathery flakes falling silently or a blizzard is whirling about outside. You can be in your home safe and warm. Winter is so often thought of as a season of death in it's cold darkness, but I don't think that this is necessarily accurate.
For me, winter seems to be a season of introspectiveness. Just as we retreat into our homes to escape the cold, I find myself (and I think others do as well) retreating into my inner being. It's a time of reflection and maybe even some predictions as well; a time to look back on what the year has been for us up until this point and to think on our hopes and fears for the future. Life moves so quickly. We cannot change our past, but we can learn from our mistakes. We can attempt to invision our future, but really, our heavenly Father is the only one who really knows where our paths will lead. Winter is not, then, death, but a time of retreat and rest, a sort of permission to slow down.

Father, I thank you for good friends and meaningful conversation wrapped up in snowy nights. Amen.

Continually Astounded

2006-10-01T22:59:00.000-06:00

I am continually astounded by a number of things. It is always unexpected and usually, although not always, refreshing (sometimes this world can be an amazingly ugly place.) Fortunately, my most recent astoundations (quite certain this is not a real word) were quite refreshing.

Astounding experience #1: I spent my weekend on a retreat for a leadership development program of which I'm a part. We did an activity where we had to come up with a vision statement. We wrote this statment on a piece of paper and placed the papers around the room. We were each given some sticky notes to write encouragements on others' visions. I knew that there were some Christians at this conference, but it was not a Christian event. As I read these visions, I was overwhelmed at the number of them that were based on following God's will for their lives and living to serve him. They were real, heart-felt yearnings to live a Holy life, not simply lip service. It was humbling. These people will be leaders in the communities and beyond and they desire to serve the Lord.

Astounding experience #2: I met my mom today in a mountain town to exchange my sister (she went home this weekend from uni.) I had been whining earlier in the week that I had wanted to go to the mountains and see the fall colors, this trip allowed me the opportunity and took me through a part of the great state of Colorado that I hadn't been to before. As I was driving, I came around a bend and caught a glimpse of snow-dusted mountains in the distance. Absolutely breath-taking. I descended the mountain and this contrasting landscape unfolded before me. There was the huge, flat valley before me that went on for miles and miles. I could see the path of this highway I was on streach out before me and at the end of all this were those mountains I had caught a glimpse of before. Colorado has a very diverse landscape, but this caught me so unaware.

It seems as though just as I become a little complacent in my wonder and awe of God, he opens my eyes to these marvels of his creation, sometimes as if for the first time.

Just so you know...

2006-09-22T00:44:00.000-06:00

Ok, so this is my second post for the day (technically it's Friday, but I haven't gone to bed yet. You all are probably finishing up your dreams right now, unless you've got lectures at 8am). Anyway I just wanted to let you know that CU/Freshers' Week was prayed for tonight. My CU-type ministry here in Denver is doing a week-long 24hrs a day prayer thing this week with ministries from unis from all over the Denver-metropolitan areas. There's a world map with a little sticky note on it that says Glasgow University Christian Union/Freshers' Week on it that sort of points towards Glasgow.

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

2006-09-21T15:35:00.000-06:00

I've never really been able to wrap my little brain around that phrase, but I think I got a lot closer to it today. Last Tuesday I locked my keys in my car right before my lecture. I had to call a locksmith to the tune of $125 (somewhere around 55 pounds) to come and get them out for me. It threw my whole homework schedule off and I'm still trying to catch up. Not to mention, my mom was not happy about me wasting so much money on such a stupid thing (nor was I for that matter). Well, again today, my most brilliant self locked them in the car for the second time in 10 days. Another locksmith had to be called of course, although it was only a fraction of what it had been last week, because at least I had enough sense to do it during normal business hours this time. Unfortunately the power of prayer doesn't seem to work on getting keys out of a locked car. I suppose was no miracle of the lost keys in the Bible. I think I'll hold off on telling Mom about this one due to her previous reaction. Shhhh.... On the agenda for tomorrow, going to get another car key made, or maybe 10.

Hello Dalai!

2006-09-16T20:40:00.000-06:00

The humor of the this title does little justice to what I've experienced today and in some ways sums it up quite well. I was humbled to tears and sobs today and rejoiced in God's creation and work, and there is more to come tomorrow. Sometimes I cannot believe the opportunities and blessings that God basically sets in my lap. I've just witnessed first hand the largest gathering of Nobel Peace Prize laureates ever in the United States without leaving my campus. I am a mentor for the 10th Annual Peace Jam Conference. My heart was very happy to hear the accent of a sweet, wee girl from Belfast (she used to live in Bangor, but unfortunately doesn't know Aly.) It's one of those things that makes me homesick for you all. I also attended a sesson with a laureate from Northern Ireland, Betty Williams (Mairead Corrigan McGuire was there as well).

She is an immensly passionate and inspiring woman, but what really struck me was the work of a now 13 year old girl called Anna. She was adopted as a baby from Peru. Her mother took her back to Peru when she was 11 to visit her homeland. While there they visited an orphanage that was in horrible conditions and the girls there were not focused on their school work because they were lacking proper nutrition and day to day necessities. When Anna returned home she told her parents she wanted to help the girls in the Peruvian orphanage. Her mother was thinking something along the lines of sending a check, but instead Anna created an organization that sends them supplies and things that they need (a much more direct form of involvement). I have been thinking a lot lately about needing to do something in a real way to change the world (I know I will as a career, but I want to do something now) now, but have been having issues with boldness. It's a scary to think about traveling to a developing country (but just look at Michelle and Jenni!!) I was almost reduced to tears at the thought that this girl showed so much more courage at 11 than I could currently muster within myself at 21. Shame on me! Shame on all of us.

This evening we heard from 8 laureates. How remarkable it is that Desmond Tutu has such enthusiasm and engery, but at one time would never have been allowed to hold such a position of leadership within his country. The Dalai Lama is basically exiled from his country. Adolfo Perez Esquivel of Argentina was disappeared and tortured. Sharin Ebadi was imprisoned and her government had wanted to imprison her again quite recently. They could have simply given up on the world, but they chose to fight harder instead. How could we all sit there and let them down by not continuing on with their fight they they struggled so hard to pursue. They all departed on us such wisdom. At this point it is quite difficult to sum up, but basically it is love. Love ourselves so that we can love others even more. Mairead Corrigan said it well--'The only thing we have that is really really important is love.'

The Dalai Lama (sitting cross legged-cute!), Oscar Arias (I think), Desmond Tutu. Sorry it's so blurry, but I had the wrong setting on my camera, plus this is a picture from the jumbo-tron (I don't have that great of a zoom). The BBC is doing a 13 part series on all of this, so keep watch for that. It's bound to have a clearer picture too! On a side note,I pretty much wish that the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu could come home with me and be my personal advisors, departing bits of widom as I go along. Alas, they have much more important things to do.

Desmond's suggested prayer--'God, help me to make this world the place I know it has the potential to be.' ('And God will respond, ''Ahh, this is why I created this lot.''' He's pretty much hilarious.) AMEN.

Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow!

2006-08-28T19:29:00.000-06:00

My heart is about to burst with praise for our Heavenly Father! He is so awesomely good and worthy of praise. A very dear friend of mine, Katie, who was my roommate during second year, just invited me to her baptism in September. Praise God! I could tell you the background, but it seems unimportant right now. What could be more important than the growth, even by one, of the Kingdom of Heaven?! Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty!

2006-08-22T15:09:00.000-06:00

My summer is quickly coming to a close. My last day of work was Saturday and I'm returning to Denver on Thursday. It's remarkable to think how quickly time has passed. It also feels like I am separated from all of you and from Glasgow by eons rather than the two and a half months that is reality. The following are some comments on my 're-entry.'

I am glad that I no longer have to bag my own groceries. It seemed as though I was never quick enough.

I used to listen to a lot of country-western music and missed it while I was in Glasgow. Now I seem to hear it with virgin ears, because I'm not so sure how I feel about it any more. A lot of it is pretty bad stuff.

On the same token, I listened to the radio a lot in my flat, so I am missing British music. But KT Tunstall has had the number one song on the American charts for 5 or 6 weeks now. A local DJ was talking about her being Irish though. I almost phoned or emailed the radio station to set him right, but didn't. Alright, so it's true--a good number Americans are horrible at world geography. James Blunt is pretty popular right now too and will actually be playing at my uni sometime this fall. Beth Orton played in Denver earlier in the month as well. I heard the Editors on a late night chat show the other night too, but haven't heard them on the radio. Maybe Duke Special will break into the American market soon!

I miss hearing all the accents, so have been watching a lot of British films (plus who doesn't like Colin Firth?). I have also been trying to catch the aforementioned chat show 'The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.' He's a brilliant Glaswegian comedian.

I had a Glasgow-style Funday Sunday this past week with my friend Marcy. We went to a farmers market and then sat in a park for a while. There was no reading of Narnia or ice cream trucks or slack lines or people doing jiu jitsu (sp?), but it was still pretty good. We went to her house to make rhubarb cake too. Yum!

In other news, I've pretty much learned to drive a car with a manual transmission. I still kill it on ocassion, but so far I haven't ruined the transmission. Drivers of Denver should beware though!

Cheers to a Fabulous(o) Weekend

2006-07-24T16:48:00.000-06:00

The extra 'o' is especially for Ailsa. I had a pretty darn good weekend, packed, but so fun! I finally got a hair cut after thinking about it since about February. It was nothing very drastic, I only lost about 3 or 4 inches. A very good friend of mine got married, so there was a very nice bachelorette party, the beautiful wedding and some post-wedding cocktails and an absolutly amazing conversation with some of my favorite people about saving the world, economic democracy, and monks. I love having intellectual conversations in somewhat unitellectual places. I'm so anxious to start back to uni. I saw the flat that I'll be living in for the year too. There's lots of couch and floor space, for any visitors that I might have. Hint, hint. I got to catch up with lots of people whom I haven't seen since I've been back from Bonnie Ol' Scotland. Your ears should have been burning because I was talking about Scotland a lot.

One of my visits was to see a priest-friend of mine who lives just ouside of Denver in the city of Boulder. As we were driving around town, I noticed a bumber sticker (I don't know if that's what you call them, but a sticker that you put on a car...) that read 'Screw Tibet. Free Scotland.' I don't agree with the bit about Tibet, but I have envisioned a 'free Scotland' bumper sticker since I first visited Scotland when I was about 13. It was a world cup year, so I think Scottish patriotism was running high and apparently I caught on. I guess I wasn't the only one. That's my craic. What's yours?

Go Fourth and Dream

2006-07-04T17:26:00.000-06:00

I’ve been reading the autobiography of the monk, Thomas Merton. He recalls a headmistress telling his aunt that ‘[Thomas] might as well get some sensible ideas into his head from the very start, and prepare himself for something solid and reliable and not go out into the world with his head full of dreams.’ This really made me a little upset. What kind of a world would we be living in if we all acted ‘sensibly?’ Great things seem to come out of insensible acts, developed from dreams of what could be rather than what is or would be.

Today, July fourth, is the 230th birthday of the United States of America and its independence. It is often said that my country is one built on dreams. It’s curious to ponder how my life, how your lives even, how the world would be if some had not pursued their dream of independence from Britain. What if other revolutionaries (in all areas and fields) had settled for the status quo, settled for sensible? The world would be a dramatically different place indeed.

This is not to say that there is not room for sense in our lives. Really, we can’t all go around with our heads in the clouds, but figure out what is important and pursue that, even if it seems impossible. Finding a balance between the two seems to be key.

I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer, with grandiose plans and ideas. It’s even gone so far that my own mother tells me I’m delusional on occasion. Some of my dreams have come to fruition, while others have faded or changed. Those that I have held onto have led to amazing experiences and it is my hope that one day the fulfillment of my dreams will lead to a better world. Really though, in the end, I want to follow God’s will and plan for my life. I think though that He often makes His will a part of our dreams, and if certain dreams don’t line up with his vision for our lives, then I think that’s when those dreams change or lose their importance to us.

Father, make your will for our lives the dreams of our hearts and give us the courage and boldness to pursue them.

Getting a life

2006-06-27T19:12:00.000-06:00

On a similar note to what Dish has written recently, my plans for the summer and God's plans for the summer seem to have been two separate things. I started work today, however it was not at my uncle's office two hours away in the mountains, but about 15 minutes down the road at a hotel. Although I would have preferred to work for my uncle, I am dealing well with the change of plans. We'll see if the reason for the change is revealed anytime in the near future, or if it's one of those things where we don't/aren't capable of see/ing the reasons.

At this point, anything to get me out of the house is welcome. I've been pretty pathetic lately. I haven't left the house much. I'm not even sure how I'm able to fill the days, but some how I manage. I'm a little jealous-- it sounds as if all of you are having so much fun over there. Hopefully having a job will help me get back on track in the "getting a life" category. I'm going mad being around the house all day.

I have been doing a bit of reading and came across this prayerfrom a book called Prayers Old and New sent to me a while back by a priest friend of mine . It was marking my place in a book I had started before I left for Scotland and have recently picked up again. I love it and I thought I'd pass it along. Father, draw us out of base content.

Our High Calling
Our Father, who has set a restlessness in our hearts,
and made us all seekers after that which we can never fully find;
forbid us to be satisfied with what we make of life.
Draw us from base content,
and set our eyes on far-off goals.
Keep us at tasks too hard for us, that we may be driven to Thee for strength.
Deliver us from fretfulness and self pity
make us sure of the goal we cannot see, and of the hidden good in the world.
Open our eyes to simple beauty all around us,
and our hearts to the loveliness men and women hide from us because we do not try enough to understand them.
Save us from ourselves, and show us a vision of a world made new.
May thy Spirit of peace and illumination so enlighten our minds that all life shall glow with new meaning and new purpose;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

Rugby?!

2006-06-23T10:55:00.000-06:00

I just woke up at about 10:30 and this is the dream I remember from last night. I was with my whole family somewhere, maybe a mall--we were going to a lot of different stores and things. Finally we decided to eat, so we went to a restaurant to eat. We ended up sitting at a really long table and then later a British(they were from all over Britain) rugby team joined us at the other end. I ended up talking to some of them and learned that one of them was from Bangor. He had a little yellow and black flag that said 'Bangor' on it. I asked one of his teammates if his surname was Meeke. It wasn't though.

Dreams have always intrigued me and I think it's interesting to analyze them, but I usually never get too far with them. I don't remember a lot of my dreams anyway, so it's a difficult task. Here goes for this dream. I have no idea why a rugby team. I have only seen one rugby match in my life and it was the club team at the university in my hometown. I think I remember the coach being Scottish actually though. I think over all the long table with people from all over Britain on one end and my family on the other, with me sitting in the middle of the two would be my desire to bring these two worlds of mine together in one place. Anyone else want to take a shot?

On a separate, but still relevant note, I think I am losing my Aly-esque pronounciation of 'banter.' I was just practicing it outloud to myself, but it doesn't seem to be the same. What a sad day it is! I may have to ring her soon to get a refresher course.

Three Random Paragraphs and a Picture

2006-06-20T11:47:00.000-06:00

You're reading the blog of a newly accepted Master's student at the University of Denver's Graduate School for International Studies. This means I get an extra year to figure out what I'm doing with my life, another year before I actually have to enter the real world. And as my mom reminds me, another year of student loans. Can you put a price on your education though? I think not.

I went to see my dad this weekend. It was Father's Day here too. I'm not sure how exactly I'm realted by blood to my dad's side of the family. It's like going to an alternate universe. Nonetheless we had a pretty good time. They live four hours south of me and I love the drive. It's pretty much my favorite part of the state, probably of the whole country. Here's why...

Here's what I should be doing--unpacking from Scotland and from Vegas. Here's what I've been doing-- a lot of nothing. I did get my email inbox down to about 60 from 130 yesterday, but that's about it. So I should probably get to doing something productive and change out of my pajamas since it's 1:00 here.

Sin City

2006-06-16T11:20:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure what to think of Las Vegas. It intrigues me and disgustes me all at the same time. The architecture and decadance is amazing. Going to Vegas is like seeing Italy, Egypt, New York, and France all in a five mile radius. But the amount of money thrown away and the degredation of both sexes is disturbing. I will admit, I lost $20 but it was given to me for the purpose of gambling and I stopped when it was gone.

Overall I had a good time. My family is hilarious. We stayed at the Stratosphere Hotel, which is the highest structure west of the Mississipi River and home to the world's highest Starbucks. It's got a great view of Las Vegas from the top. There's also these crazy amusment park type rides at the top of the tower (somewhere around 105 stories). I'm pretty sure I'd die of fright if I rode them. I don't like doing things like that even when I'm on the ground.

We all went to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum as well. This is how much we (Americans) like the British, well, at least your royalty. There were two wax figures of Lady/Princess Diana. One of them was in a room called Spirit of America with former American presidents, Martin Luther King, Jr. and some astronauts. Elvis was the only other person with two figures was Elvis. Here's me with Las Vegas resident Andre Agassi--my favorite tennis player! My aunt made me touch him...weird.

My favorite activity was the Guggenheim Museum at the Venetian. They had a Peter Paul Rubens and his contemporaries exhibit which was pretty good. I've never seen much of his work, so it was a good opportunity. Like I said before, art is good for you. I'm now inspired to have a creative summer. Maybe we'll do a little painting...

Three days is enough in Vegas though and I won't be ready to go back for some time. All of the lights and noise are a little over stimulating and there are way too many crazy people about. It messes with your mind. My mom had me go to the super market today. I had to go back twice because I forgot milk. Pathetic really. I'll just blame it on Vegas.

Sundays

2006-06-11T23:11:00.000-06:00

I kind of miss Sundays at St. Silas. Man, they were good. I was recounting to my mom last night about Sundays at St. Silas. The midday adventures having lunch at Curlers or playing in the park, or where ever else the wind would take us, then the pub and church of course. I have grown up in an Episcopal church here. It's much more traditional than St. Silas. We sing a lot of old hymns, which can be good, but can also be pretty lathargic. My priest is pretty good, but he was an undercover cop in Southern California for a long time, so he's a little militant at times. I kind of miss David's jeans and black fleece. I've grown up here though, so it's home, and I've received a very warm welcome home, but St. Silas is great.

I suppose my homecoming has given me a taste of what the parable of the Prodigal Son is all about. Imagine though how much more God loves us. I didn't run off and waste my inheretence and then come home only after I'd hit rock bottom, so my warm welcome back is not so suprising. Yet, there has been no killing of the fatted calf or feast like there was for the Lost Son. That's just hint at how much God loves us, that even with the broken and sinful lives we lead, he throws a party when we return to him, repenting and humbled.

I'm headed to Las Vegas way too early tomorrow morning (my Uncle Tim is pretty excited and decided that a 7am departure was a good idea), so I'll be gone for a few days. My family (that would be my grandparents, my aunt and uncle, and our family friend Deb) is taking my cousin Justin and I to Vegas to celebrate our 21st birhtdays. It should be a good time, but really hot, even hotter than here. I've blogged way too much in the last few days, but I miss you guys so much. Anyway, there's plenty of material for you to peruse until my return. Bon chance to the medics as they take their exams.

The Craic Experiment

2006-06-10T22:37:00.000-06:00

The purpose of this experiment is to document the reactions of my American friends and family to 'craic.' As you can imagine it's had mixed results. My friend, Erica, was slightly concerned for my mental and physical health and was worried about the type of friends I'd made since she left Glasgow in December. After I offered an explanataion she still was not impressed and it's not likely that she'll be incorporating 'craic' into her vocabulary.

On the other hand, my little sister, Christie, has fully embraced 'the craic.' Her summer job is as a receptionist at a hotel. The other night she was checking in a guy who was obviously not American, so her co-worker asked him where he was from. It turns out that he is from Northern Ireland. Christie proceeded to ask him 'what's the craic?' As you can imagine, the guy was pretty impressed to hear such a phrase so far from home. I guess he and my sister exchanged the craic for a few minutes before he finally went to his room. I think she was pretty proud of herself for knowing some European slang.

That Easy, Peaceful Feeling

2006-06-09T16:40:00.000-06:00

My mom just had surgery, so I've been playing nurse maid. Her being laid up also means that I have to drive the Mustang, since our other car is a manual trasmission and I don't know how to drive those (amazing, I know, but not all that uncommon in the States.) Darn. I've come up with a few requirements for riding in a convertable over the last few days. First, your hair has to blow, at least some of it. I do tie half of mine back so that it doesn't blind me and, well, we won't think about what might happen next if I didn't. The second one is the music. It has to be good convertable music. I don't really have strict guidelines for this, but you just know if it's good or not. So far I've experimented with Bruce Springspreen (The Rising) and The Eagles (probably their greatest hits album). Both have proven to be pretty good choices. My mom thinks Savage Garden is good, but I beg to differ on that one. I'm open to any further suggestions.

This morning I took a little joy ride and drove over a mesa that sits on the south side of my town--one of my favorite places, after stopping by my favortie bakery to pick up a wee treat. I took some photos for you to see. They're not the best, because, well, I took them while I was driving. It probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had, but I didn't actually look at the screen and there wasn't much traffic, so it wasn't too stupid. I don't advise this during your driving test, Michelle. Enjoy...

The bit sticking up is called Mount Garfield, the rest fo the mountains around it are the Bookcliffs. It's not actually going downhill... NB Blue skies.

Peach Orchards.

Again, Mount Garfield, with vineyards and orchards in the foreground. I took this one last summer.

Home

2006-06-07T08:56:00.000-06:00

The question of home is an interesting one at the moment for me. I know I have one, maybe even two. It was an odd sensation driving the 5 minutes from my grandparents' house to mine the other night. These were familiar roads, but they seemed so different. I had to take a minute before I actually opened the door. Again, familiar but some how unknown. Things haven't really changed or been moved around, but it is all a bit alien to me. The fridge seems so different. But why? Maybe it's just that it's been cleaned recently.

Glasgow as Home. I knew I never intended to really stay there, at least at this point, beyond these last nine months. Like I posted before, I wasn't immediately taken with Glasgow. I said to my mom the other morning though, as she was telling me about my new mobile contract, that I wondered if could text internationally, because then I could text my friends at home (that would be you guys.) I would never have noticed that is what I had said if she hadn't brought it up. Despite the fact that I have spent two years in Denver, I never would have said something like that about there.

Here's a few things that I've experienced since I've been back.

The Good Ones: The 4 hour drive from Denver to Grand Junction takes you across the Rocky Mountains. Throughout my life I've made this trip hundreds if not thousands of times. I never really do tire of it because it's so beautiful, but over time I had taken the beauty and majesty of the mountains a little for granted. When I drove over them on Monday I saw them with a new set of eyes. Absolutely breath-taking. I must have seen them a little bit like people who are seeing them for the first time. I wish I had pictures, not that that would really do them any justice, but maybe I'll take some this summer and post them for you all to see. Oh the blue skies too. I forgot how blue they could actually be. They have this indescribable quality to them. The stars were out bright and beautiful the other night too. I thought of you Michelle. You should come and visit sometime. My sister has a pretty decent telescope. She's into astrology too. :) My mom's new Mustang convertable is pretty cool. I haven't quite yet mastered the graceful-jump-into-the-back-seat-thing yet, but I'll let you know if I make any progress.

The Slightly Awkward Ones: The sensation that I was actually back on American soil when I got to Chicago was a little uncomfortable. I wasn't sure if I was glad to be American or not, at least an American on American soil. I proceeded out of habit to hand over my passport to every check-point until I reached my gate for my connecting flight to Denver. It took me a while to figure out that the weird looks I was getting were silly-girl-it's-a-domestic-flight-so-you-don't-need-a-passport looks.

Apparently over the last nine months I've forgotten how to put gas (petrol, excuse me) into a car. When I went to put some gas into my mom's car, I required help from the guy working at the station. I've been driving for six years, so you can imagine this was a little embarrassing. He was nice though, so I didn't feel too dumb.

I'm losing the British vocabulary I've learned pretty quickly. You just can't really go around saying 'loo' without people making fun of you. 'Flat' is such a good word too, but again people laugh. I'm a little sad about this. I might hold on to 'rubbish' though. I'll post later about my craic experiment.

Not necessarily awkward, but rather uncomfortable is how hot it is here. It's been around 100F (35ishC). This is not uncommon for Western Colorado in the summer, but not usually until July at least. Plus, I was still carrying a jacket around with me in Glasgow everyday, so the adjustment has been hard. I'm going to go out and buy some cool, summer clothes today so that I don't die.

That's the craic here. What's the craic there?

I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again...

2006-06-02T03:18:00.000-06:00

That seems to have been my theme song for the last few weeks,* in part due to the BA commercial and Ailsa. I suppose it is quite appropriate. That is me exactly-- leaving tomorrow on a jet plane and as of now there is no definitive answer as to when I'll be back again. Not to mention the fact that the song was written by John Denver, who lived in Colorado, although was originally not from there and I'm pretty sure his real last name was not Denver, but anyway 'Rocky Mountain High' and all that. Ironicly enough, I believe he died in a plane crash. But on to more important things.

Fuck. It's an ugly word, I know, but it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about leaving here. Maybe as in 'fuck, this hurts' (I'm think that's a line from the film Garden State). I'm kind of in love with Europe and have been for about eight years. As I was applying to come here, the joke was that I would come here and then never want to go home. I don't know why I'm so suprised that this is going to be so hard. Maybe because I never could have imagined having survived a year without my family. They're amazing by the way, and have given me so much love and support throughout my life, in the good times and difficult. I hope that some of you can meet them someday. I sort of told myself at some point that I'd never spend the holidays without them. Well, you can check that one off the list. I suppose it's all just a part of 'growing up.' Somewhere between September and now I've changed slighly more into an adult. It's kind of a scary thought really. I've changed in more ways than I realize, I'm sure. I imagine the next months and even years will be spent discovering and decifering all of this change. I have lived successfully in a forgeign country though. A lot happens in nine months and sometimes it's easy to forget that life doesn't stand still in one place while you're in another. The home I'm going back to is a changed place too. Again, a scary thought and slight fear of the unknown. I am excited to go back though and catch up on all that has been happening, which is a lot. Just in the last few weeks my sister has graduated from high school and two of my flatmates from last year got engaged within 24 hours of each other. I love them all dearly, and I know that once I am home againI won't be as heartbroken, but right now that heartbreak of leaving here is more intense. How selfish I feel to not be able to fully return my family's excitement of my homecoming. If it were possible, I'd create a common place for my two worlds. But for now, let the party continue on!

Just so you know, I've literally been sick to my stomach over all of this since last Thursday night when I realized that I had only a week left. What an amazing week it's been though! I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with such an amazing group of friends. You have shown me so much love and friendship during these last few months. I do not even have the words to express it. I am sorry that I have not had longer to get to know you, but I hope that we can keep in touch. You're all invited to Colorado anytime and I'll make every effort to meet up with you if you happen to be traveling else where in the States. I for certain that this is where God wanted me this year and he had a reason for wanting this for me. If that reason is nothing other than having met such wonderful, beautiful people, then that is more than enough. I truly am blessed with so much more than I could ever deserve or even imagine.

*However, thanks to Neal, it was 'Last night I nearly died...' that was stuck in my head during my exam yesterday.

Reflections on a Glaswegian Day

2006-05-30T11:03:00.000-06:00

The last few days have been so good, with Sunday's grand adventure to Loch Lomond and the science centre (the infrared harp is brilliant!) and hanging about town with the girls (minus the good-bye to Cherith.) You all are certainly not making it any easier for me to leave.

I spent yesterday afternoon roaming the city centre to shop and check some more things off my things-to-do-in-Glasgow-before-I-leave list. First of all, ceilidh/ball shoe shopping is not easy, especially for a girl who a)doesn't really like shopping and b)who has bad balance anyway and for whom wearing heels is a bad idea. I really don't know how these Scottish girls do it, plus they wear heels to uni all the time and walking on cobble stones and up and down hills. Anyway, I finally settled on a pair, so come Friday we'll see how it goes.

Something on my list of things to do was to buy a couple meters/yards (which ever measurement you prefer) of Hunter tartan to take back home and have Mom transform into a skirt or other wearable item. My plan has been slightly foiled however. Apparently it costs 45 pounds a meter. I'll have to think about whether it's really worth that to me or not. So far, I'm thinking not.

Onwards I went to the Modern Art Museum. Nothing particularly grabbed me. There was a collection of works by a woman who looks and geography and our relationship with it, which was pretty interesting, but mostly I was more fascinated by the architecture of the museum building itself. The iron ralings on the oval mezzanines are very attractive. Overall, it's worth a look. I always leave art museums with a new perspective on things, a new awareness of how I view the world. It's good to expand your mind in creative ways I feel. From there on I mostly just wandered about the city and took a few photos.

I'm not really a city girl (despite the fact that I'm probably doomed to having to live in some type of metropolitan centre with lots of international organizations like New York or Washington D.C. maybe even London, hopefully Geneva, because of my calling to save the developing world from injustice and inequality). I grew up in a pretty small Western Colorado town, although I realized early on that there was more to life than Grand Junction, CO. My idea of a good day usually involves at least some sort of sparsely inhabited space, good company and preferably horses. Don't get me wrong, I love the cultural opportunities and attractions of a big city, but at the end of the day I would prefer not be living in a concrete jungle full of people. I wasn't even really sure how I felt about Glasgow when I first got here. I immediately loved the contrast between old and new architecture here though. That's something that you just don't get in the States, especially in the west where a really old house has only been around for 100 years. Back east you might be able to find something from the colonial period, but if you think about that the University of Glasgow has been in existance for several hundred years longer than my country it gives it some perspective. Overall, I didn't really care for Glasgow much.

Glasgow has grown on me though. I love wandering around the city centre on a nice day and seeing the masses of people wandering along with me or sitting on the steps of the Concert Hall and listening to the street band du jour. I love looking down side streets to see old and new buildings creating a varied skyline. I love watching people sitting outside sipping their beverage of choice. I love walking the city and I love public transportation. I love it when people gather in the park on a nice day like it's some sort of event (I suppose sun in Glasgow is an event). I love sitting in the court yard of the University looking at all the spires and the cloisters and watching people roam through. It's a little sanctuary really. I love the cone hats that Kelvin and Wellington are usually porting. Since my first visit to Scotland when I was about 13, I have loved it here, but mostly for the dramatic landscapes of the country side. I have grown quite fond of Glasgow though and my old preference of Edinburgh (gasp!) over Glasgow has been overturned. Glasgow is the truly Scottish city--absolutely captivating and inviting whilst bearing the scars and grit from its rough life all at the same time. I love it for that.

In the beginning of the book 'Blue Like Jazz' (which I highly recommend, it's subtitle is 'Non-Religious thoughts on Christian Spirituality', he's very honest, but funny as well), Donald Miller writes about sometimes needing to watch someone love something before you could actually love it yourself. I think that's how I am about Glasgow.

It pays off...

2006-05-27T03:23:00.000-06:00

...to be friends with a pastry chef. So yesterday was my last day at the hotel I've worked at here. It was all very nice. They gave me some beautiful flowers and a bottle of champagne. The most exciting thing though was that in the card they gave me, there was a recipe for this chocolate-orange mousse that I've become somewhat addicted to. They're just so good! I was so excited. I still am excited! Why else would I be blogging about this?! I really couldn't have asked for more. The trick is now to see if I can actually make it be like anything that even resembles the ones that Graeme makes. Anyway, moral of the story--befriend a pastry chef.

Chance

2006-05-25T05:31:00.000-06:00

As I was browsing the website of my hometown newspaper (gjsentinel.com if you want to see what life is like in Western Colorado...), I came a across a headline about HBO making a movie about one of my classmates from high school. His name is Chance Phelps and he joined the Marines just after he graduated. He was sent to Iraq and was mortally wounded in March 2004, less than a year after we had graduated. Chance only attended my high school for our final year, so I didn't really know him well. He played on my school's football team(American football...) and I remember him being a pretty funny guy. We definitely were not friends but we had a class together and exchanged a few words.

The night that I heard that he had been killed, my university's ice hockey team had just won the national championships, so the whole campus had gone crazy, and I'm pretty sure I had been running and jumping through the corridors of the halls I lived in, along with others. I had called my mom to share the victory with her (she had been watching the game with some people who she teaches with). She was excited with me and then told me that Chance had died. I remember feeling so selfish. Here I was celebrating the victory of some stupid game being played by people whom I didn't really know, without a care in the world. Here he was dead because he was fighing for a cause he really believed in; debatably dying so that I could run around like an idiot in my safe little university world celebrating disgustingly trivial things. Chance's death brought the war home for me. It doesn't consume my every thought, but I do think of him, and others I know who are still fighting, with some amount of frequency.

I don't like war. I don't think anyone really does, but it goes on nonetheless. It is so easy for us to be removed from it. I wonder if President Bush would have made similar choices if his daughters were in the military or the children of close friends. This war is so controversial-- suspicion of alterior motives, the apparent lack of evidence of WMD (how awful is it that this acronym is now understood in daily, civil vernacular?!), alegations of torture and other war crimes, the often-parodied 'axis of evil.' Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the public does not know the full story, so it is hard for us to accurately judge these events. It is difficult to judge whether lives are being lost for a noble purpose or to satisfy greed. I hope and pray that they are not lost in vain.

Father, let good come of this ugly, dirty thing called war.

My First Blog

2006-05-23T12:21:00.000-06:00

I never thought I'd have a blog. I've always disliked journaling. I have this thing about keeping my inner-most thoughts, well, inner. If you want to know what those might be on a particular topic, I'd probably tell you, but I don't like the thought of my thoughts just floating around on a page for just anyone to read. The thought of someone reading my journal or diary after I die really makes me uneasy. I suppose since blogs are electronic the chances of someone being able to read my blog after I die are greatly reduced. It's only because of Ailsa that I have created this blog.

The pressure to come up with a name for my blog was immense. I think it took me about an hour to decide and I'm happy to see that I can change it in the future if I feel the need. "Hope and a Future" comes from Jeremiah 29:11--"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and fine me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, " and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

I included the rest of that little passage just because it's so good. When I am worried about what I'll be doing with my life (which is something I think about quite a lot), I think of this verse. I don't have to worry about my future because God knows what it is and all I have to do is seek him with all my heart.

Here ends my first blog.