I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again...
That seems to have been my theme song for the last few weeks,* in part due to the BA commercial and Ailsa. I suppose it is quite appropriate. That is me exactly-- leaving tomorrow on a jet plane and as of now there is no definitive answer as to when I'll be back again. Not to mention the fact that the song was written by John Denver, who lived in Colorado, although was originally not from there and I'm pretty sure his real last name was not Denver, but anyway 'Rocky Mountain High' and all that. Ironicly enough, I believe he died in a plane crash. But on to more important things.
Fuck. It's an ugly word, I know, but it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about leaving here. Maybe as in 'fuck, this hurts' (I'm think that's a line from the film Garden State). I'm kind of in love with Europe and have been for about eight years. As I was applying to come here, the joke was that I would come here and then never want to go home. I don't know why I'm so suprised that this is going to be so hard. Maybe because I never could have imagined having survived a year without my family. They're amazing by the way, and have given me so much love and support throughout my life, in the good times and difficult. I hope that some of you can meet them someday. I sort of told myself at some point that I'd never spend the holidays without them. Well, you can check that one off the list. I suppose it's all just a part of 'growing up.' Somewhere between September and now I've changed slighly more into an adult. It's kind of a scary thought really. I've changed in more ways than I realize, I'm sure. I imagine the next months and even years will be spent discovering and decifering all of this change. I have lived successfully in a forgeign country though. A lot happens in nine months and sometimes it's easy to forget that life doesn't stand still in one place while you're in another. The home I'm going back to is a changed place too. Again, a scary thought and slight fear of the unknown. I am excited to go back though and catch up on all that has been happening, which is a lot. Just in the last few weeks my sister has graduated from high school and two of my flatmates from last year got engaged within 24 hours of each other. I love them all dearly, and I know that once I am home againI won't be as heartbroken, but right now that heartbreak of leaving here is more intense. How selfish I feel to not be able to fully return my family's excitement of my homecoming. If it were possible, I'd create a common place for my two worlds. But for now, let the party continue on!
Just so you know, I've literally been sick to my stomach over all of this since last Thursday night when I realized that I had only a week left. What an amazing week it's been though! I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with such an amazing group of friends. You have shown me so much love and friendship during these last few months. I do not even have the words to express it. I am sorry that I have not had longer to get to know you, but I hope that we can keep in touch. You're all invited to Colorado anytime and I'll make every effort to meet up with you if you happen to be traveling else where in the States. I for certain that this is where God wanted me this year and he had a reason for wanting this for me. If that reason is nothing other than having met such wonderful, beautiful people, then that is more than enough. I truly am blessed with so much more than I could ever deserve or even imagine.
*However, thanks to Neal, it was 'Last night I nearly died...' that was stuck in my head during my exam yesterday.
Fuck. It's an ugly word, I know, but it pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about leaving here. Maybe as in 'fuck, this hurts' (I'm think that's a line from the film Garden State). I'm kind of in love with Europe and have been for about eight years. As I was applying to come here, the joke was that I would come here and then never want to go home. I don't know why I'm so suprised that this is going to be so hard. Maybe because I never could have imagined having survived a year without my family. They're amazing by the way, and have given me so much love and support throughout my life, in the good times and difficult. I hope that some of you can meet them someday. I sort of told myself at some point that I'd never spend the holidays without them. Well, you can check that one off the list. I suppose it's all just a part of 'growing up.' Somewhere between September and now I've changed slighly more into an adult. It's kind of a scary thought really. I've changed in more ways than I realize, I'm sure. I imagine the next months and even years will be spent discovering and decifering all of this change. I have lived successfully in a forgeign country though. A lot happens in nine months and sometimes it's easy to forget that life doesn't stand still in one place while you're in another. The home I'm going back to is a changed place too. Again, a scary thought and slight fear of the unknown. I am excited to go back though and catch up on all that has been happening, which is a lot. Just in the last few weeks my sister has graduated from high school and two of my flatmates from last year got engaged within 24 hours of each other. I love them all dearly, and I know that once I am home againI won't be as heartbroken, but right now that heartbreak of leaving here is more intense. How selfish I feel to not be able to fully return my family's excitement of my homecoming. If it were possible, I'd create a common place for my two worlds. But for now, let the party continue on!
Just so you know, I've literally been sick to my stomach over all of this since last Thursday night when I realized that I had only a week left. What an amazing week it's been though! I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with such an amazing group of friends. You have shown me so much love and friendship during these last few months. I do not even have the words to express it. I am sorry that I have not had longer to get to know you, but I hope that we can keep in touch. You're all invited to Colorado anytime and I'll make every effort to meet up with you if you happen to be traveling else where in the States. I for certain that this is where God wanted me this year and he had a reason for wanting this for me. If that reason is nothing other than having met such wonderful, beautiful people, then that is more than enough. I truly am blessed with so much more than I could ever deserve or even imagine.
*However, thanks to Neal, it was 'Last night I nearly died...' that was stuck in my head during my exam yesterday.
posted by Diana at 3:18 AM
7 Comments:
just so long as you wake up just in time...
What if you never actually fell asleep? If you feel like procrastinating from your studying, you want to email me the lyrics to that if you have them? If not, that's fine too. Sometimes it' just good to have more than two lines...
haha.i fully just spent my entire train journey humming that..but i wonder:how can you never hear a song being played and actually still have it going through your mind?mental schmental..I MISS YOU TOO DIANA!
Wow that box of food you left with Michie is sooo exciting! We had lollipops and vanilla tea! Hope adjustment back to the ways on the other side of the Atlantic hasn't been too much of a shock. Thankyooou! xxx
I'm glad you're enjoying my food. I didn't know it would be that exciting, but Beth thanked me as well at the ball. I'm just glad it's being appreciated. The Celestial Seasonings tea is made in Colorado. It's up in Boulder (about 35 min from Denver) and I went on a factory tour there last spring. They're a pretty environmentally sound company, so that's pretty cool. Boulder's pretty liberal and has a lot of granolas, so it all makes sense really.
I liked the lollipops..
I should have guessed as much... If you find a Native American with a bow and arrow, or something like that on (there might be something with a star involved too, I can't really remember) the wrapper of your lollipop it's supposed to be good luck. There's a piece of American tradition for you.
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